(Excerpt): I used to think of anger as something “caused” by someone or something outside of me—most often, another person’s bad behavior. I experienced anger as an uncontrollable emotion that just sort of washed over me unexpectedly (anger as a tsunami wave, destroying everything in its path….) (Excerpt): What people really want, what they need most when they’re feeling guilty, when they’re attacking you—is help. Just a little helping hand from you, just because they, like you, get so sick and tired of feeling low, of feeling awful about themselves, so weary of carrying around all that guilt. They’re only hoping they’ll get a little relief if they dump all their guilt and anger on you. But what they really need and want most, even though they may not be aware of it, is for someone to help them by reminding them that they’re still lovable. (Excerpt): It’s true that an angry attack is a rather peculiar way to ask for help, especially from the point of view of the one who’s being attacked, and especially when the attacker catches you in your most vulnerable places where you already feel most tender and guilty. Angry attacks always hit those places right on the money. (Excerpt): When someone angrily attacks us, we don't need to pick up the guilt they’re trying to foist on us. Guilt isn’t something real that can be passed back and forth, anyway. Instead, we can help them let go of the guilt and anger they’re trying to push onto us. In doing so, we’ll enjoy experiencing the nice return miracle of receiving, for ourselves, freedom from guilt and anger; because when you forgive others for their mistakes, you’ll remember that you too, are forgiven, forgivable, lovable. And your life will start to get a lot more peaceful. (Excerpt): God expects us and everyone else to screw up. He made us mistake-prone, not in order to torment us, but perhaps because he loves diversity (consider the snowflakes! and the beetles!) Part of being unique is having our own particular sets of human weaknesses. Maybe God would be eternally bored with any other kind of creation…? Whatever the case is, he made us as we are…fallible and mistake-prone. (Excerpt): We can’t see our own particular sets of mistakes as the only ones which aren’t important, which are superficial, understandable, tiny momentary lapses based on misunderstandings and difficult, unusual circumstances, while everyone else’s mistakes are cold-hearted, obtuse, oblivious, calculated, deliberate, oft-repeated, defiant, shameful, and unforgivable mortal sins.   more »

I received a letter from a reader of the conservative political persuasion who has kindly and thoughtfully taken the time to outline our political differences. In hopes of continuing our dialogue, I herein reprint his letter, followed by my response.   more »

Sing this song to the tune of "Jesus loves the little children...." (Click "more" below for a more organized look....) We’re so sick of all the fighting/ Sick of wars around the world/ Red and yellow black and white/ Stop the fighting, it’s not right/ If you love the little children of the world/ Won’t you put away your weapons/ They just hurt our moms and dads/ All our friends and family too/ 'Til we don’t know what to do/ If you love the little children of the world/ Won’t you try to solve your problems/ Please take turns and share your toys/ You don’t have to fuss and fight/ ‘Cause it hurts us most, that’s right/ If you love the little children of the world/ Let us play with other children/ Go to school and sing our songs/ If you let us learn and play/ You’ll be glad you did, some day/ If you love the little children of the world/ Please believe in one another/ Trust that others are like you/ Everybody needs a hand/ All together we can stand/ If you love the little children of the world/ Please remember all are brothers/ Doesn’t matter where we’re from/ Different people can be one/ Let’s be friends with everyone/ If you love the little children of the world/ Won’t you stay at home and raise us/ Don’t go marching off to war/ We need help and we need care/ Need to know that you’ll be there/ If you love the little children of the world/ Won’t you try to keep your temper/ Doesn’t matter, wrong or right/ Please be gentle, please be mild/ Then you’ll never hurt a child/ If you love the little children of the world/ Hating hurts the little children/ Children all around the world/ Suffer day and suffer night/ Stop the hating, it’s not right/ If you love the little children of the world/ If they start a war tomorrow/ Please just tell them you won’t go/ Please stay home and care for me/ Oh how happy we will be/ If you love the little children of the world/ Never hurt another person/ Even though life seems unfair/ Even when your heart is blue/ We’ll hold hands and see it through/ If you love the little children of the world/ Please don’t be one of the bad guys/ Never let that guy be you/ All the guys who blow things up/ How we wish they would grow up/ If you love the little children of the world/ Please don’t ever hurt another/ Sad things happen when you do/ Find a way to end the fight/ Find a way to make things right/ If you love the little children of the world/ Won't you please just solve your problems/ Talk them over till you do/ Take your time and stay up late/ There’s no hurry, we can wait/ If you love the little children of the world/ Fighting only makes it harder/ Try to share and share alike/ There’s enough for all, it’s true/ When we do what we should do/ If you love the little children of the world/ Won’t you stop all of the hurting/ All the crying and the pain/ Help us keep our eyes and hands/ Let us live in our own lands/ If you love the little children of the world/ It’s not really so confusing/ You can do it if you try/ Do as you would want them to/ It’s not really hard to do/ If you love the little children of the world/ Hold your ears and never listen/ To the mean things people say/ You don’t have to be afraid/ We’re a family God has made/ If you love the little children of the world/ Help us build a world for children/ All the children of the world/ Build a world of peace and joy/ Safe for every girl and boy/ If you love the little children of the world/   more »

Excerpt: Marshall ... chose to heavily reinforce the popular delusion that no real feminist could ever, in good conscience, put herself in service to a man. (Excerpt): Marshall’s vision suggests that geisha's primarily physical services emerge from a secretive, machiavellian world of women who dislike and disrespect men, and who plot together to exploit men’s weaknesses. (Excerpt): Many modern women are completely confused about whether feminism is compatible with any kind of compassionate service (especially to men!) at all. Some women have come to wonder if service work of any kind--nursing, house cleaning, waiting tables--is unfeminist and demeaning. Many women feel constrained even within their marriages or romantic relationships, fearing that offering a life of lovingly exchanged service to a man must surely be anti-feminist—a form of caving to the enemy, of servility. When modern women do find it within themselves to offer men their friendliest services, many still wonder if there’s not something smarmy or beneath them about such offerings, even if their every hormone and natural givingness urges them ceaselessly to slather their beloved with wholehearted attention and kindness. There is nothing sexist or anti-feminist about loving men (or women, for that matter)--about attracting them, pleasing them, or giving to them wholeheartedly. Loving, giving, and compassionate service of all kinds are never unworthy in themselves, although unworthy contexts involving extremes of compulsion, lack of appreciation and reciprocation truly are sexist and immoral. Devoted service offered willingly and lovingly in an appreciative, reciprocal (if not tit-for-tat) context is absolutely necessary to optimal human functioning and happiness, and completely different from the kind of forced or half-hearted service in which someone’s gifts are disparaged, unreciprocated, and unappreciated. Too many people nowadays overlook the fact that the very essence of a good relationship is standing in service to one another, regardless of whether that partnership is between husband and wife, mother and daughter, friends, siblings, in-laws, a CEO and her new mail clerk, young lovers…whoever. Every conceivable positive relationship is based in reciprocal service. Relationships that are not about reciprocal service—however loosely defined—are not really relationships at all; they’re isolated billiard balls knocking about an empty lonely pool table universe, banging together sporadically and spectacularly in conflict and competition before resuming their separated lives. The most universally prized life-enhancing romantic relationship, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, is one in which your dearly-beloved treats you like a king (or a princess), a goddess (or a god). Among the keys to such heavenly bliss are good-faith, wholeheartedness, appreciation, and reciprocation. Because of confusion about the subtleties of feminism, modern romantic relationships evolved to become less concerned with caring, commitment, and helping one another in a challenging world, and more about cold, competitive calculations and sexual politics. Both sexes worry whether warm displays of affection will be perceived to be neediness. Both sexes fear that generous-spirited service iwill mply servitude. Both sexes exhaust themselves in endless, awkward, conflicted, back-and-forth rituals of worrying whether they’re giving more than they receive. Both sexes are all about, “you go first.” Yet both sexes are fully aware that their beloved wants a partner who is both powerful and slavishly devoted—because frankly, that’s what they want too. Many people deeply enjoy the lavish, tender, solicitous attention of an enchanting member of the opposite sex. More young people of both sexes these days are giving up on what they see as the relationship game, foregoing the pain and uncertainty of modern committed relationships in great part because of their understandable confusion about the wisdom of putting themselves at service to another. I mean, if their long-dreamed-of personification of virtuous masculine/feminine perfections is ultimately unwilling to bow down, worship and serve them all their days, well really, why bother? (Excerpt): Geisha lore offers a tempting (but not exclusive) window on relatively rare social arts: attentiveness, affection, tenderness, flirting, gentleness, refinement, courtesy, agreeableness, femininity, respect, presence, charm, humor, kindness, intellect, sensitivity, openness, loyalty, sensuality, giving, honoring, playfulness, intimacy, nurturing, acceptance, forgiveness, support, generosity, assistance, vulnerability, respect for tradition, and, in general, making a fuss over, and spoiling men rotten. Geisha are really good at making men feel truly wonderful about themselves. What’s not to like about that? Whenever and however did this venerable list of praiseworthy social skills become politically incorrect? These subtly but important graces--along with physical beauty, gorgeous accoutrements, and skill in the arts of music, dance, serving food and the like--are a goodly part of what real geisha are all about, not to mention real women, real men, real relationships, and real feminism.    more »

Excerpt: Winter nudges me to stay inside, slow down, nurture myself and my own, lift spirits with art and beauty, stop and smell the comfort food, cross things off my life-list, throw stuff away, create a new habit or a new masterpiece, start my year thoughtfully and meditatively.... Winter is mother earth's rest time, when all her little earthlings roll themselves up like moles into warm balls of fluffy blankets, to drowse, to sleep, to dream of life renewed....   more »