Daily Archives: October 8, 2005

Acceptance 10 – Why should I change? I like myself the way I am.

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I can accept that. Can you?

What CAN'T acceptance do? What are we stuck with, no matter how accepting we become?

People are going to go on dying, being born, getting sick. People are going to keep on making mistakes. We will never get everything right, any relationship, any situation, but we can improve them, and we can enjoy life more. We will always have challenges. God made us and the world the way it is, the way we are, and the cycle of life, illness, death, and human errors seems to be the way he wanted things to be. Part of what is possible in the world and in other people is cruelty and unkindness and nature's catastrophes and the things that happen seemingly beyond our control. But whenever we accept, whatever we accept, it all helps us move on–to work, to love, to living more fully and more happily. When we accept, then we can find the energy to keep chipping away, to change ourselves, our relationships, and our world, little by little. And that's a lot.

I don't like myself at all. Changing is too hard and I don't think I'll ever be able to do it enough to like myself. But I can't accept that I'll be this way forever. What now?

Yes, you will always be you, with heartaches and challenges, and with things you want to improve. That's all you have to accept, for today, for now–that you are not all you wish you could be, and never will be. You will never be 'perfect,' whatever that means, and neither will anyone else. Based on all the evidence I see, God didn't make human beings that way, doesn't expect it of them, and isn't disappointed in them. But God does seem interested in change, diversity, variety, learning, growth, because all over the world, people are doing different things with their time on earth, with their powers and energies and lives. So choose something, and do it, by chipping away around the edges at something. Improve something. You won't ever get it perfect nor will anyone else, but for now, for today, and gradually, as mountains are moved shovelful by shovelful, as an elephant is eaten bite-by-bite, you'll make some changes in some areas that are most interesting or important to you, and so will everyone else. So what would you like to do today, with your new acceptance?

Acceptance 9 – Acceptance seems to work, but it's so hard. Any suggestions? Help?

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One of the things that 'just is,' is that change is sometimes slow and difficult (and sometimes instant and easy too, as in those happy moments when the dawn breaks and everything is suddenly nicer and clearer and we understand some things that we didn't understand before–and now everything seems much easier.) When you ask for acceptance (and it does help to ask for it) don't put a time limit on yourself, don't struggle, don't worry about speed. (If you don't have much time, just give it what you have and that will be enough.) Just stay in the right-now for-the-moment, forget yesterday and who you were then, let go of worrying about tomorrow (it won't do any good anyway), and just be OK with right now, with this minute, today.

Another thing that helps in learning acceptance is taking quiet time to just sit and be in the space of accepting-now-what-is. If you can find a few moments to be by yourself, meditate or pray, sitting or kneeling–and just be in the present, accepting what is in the present without thinking. Mentally make an effort to stay with the very stuff you used to push away and run away from.

Noticing and replacing non-accepting thoughts with other, accepting thoughts works. Make up your own happy mantra; my favorite is 'Surrender.'

Here's another approach: Get active when you're feeling non-accepting. It's hard to hold unpleasant thoughts and feelings when you're busy doing physical stuff, although not all people can be active (an area of 'limitation' one can learn to accept.)

Do something nice for someone: It's hard to think bad thoughts when you're being nice. Think positively: try to find something good about everything and everyone (including yourself). Count your blessings. Thinking good thoughts is an approach which really works when I can't fall asleep. I list every little thing I own, every face that ever smiled my way even for a minute, every raindrop, every ray of sunshine, the shoes on my feet and the spoon I eat with. All are gifts that I have been blessed with (think of life without them!) It helps me to accept my challenges when I take time to remember how blessed I am.